When women ask me (and boy, do they ask me), why do all the WRONG men write to them, I always have a two part response: 1) By your standards, 95% of men are the wrong men.So don’t be too surprised if you’re not enamored with 9 out of 10 emails you receive. 2) Your profile is likely not attracting the small percentage of “right men” out there – which is something that we can easily change.Yet some women really get indignant – they poured their heart out in their profile, put a ton of effort into saying what they really feel.
All online dating sites suck
Except Nancy pouring her heart out as a 45-year-old divorcee in Seattle sounds just like April pouring her heart out as a 35-year-old single girl in New York.
The lists of adjectives, the lists of hobbies, the lists of bands and countries and books and TV shows, the clichés, the personal philosophy about life and love and honesty and trust. It’s perfectly articulate, perfectly earnest, and perfectly generic because most woman arrive at the same conclusions. And then we wonder why the level of discourse in online flirtation is so abysmal.
So when every woman’s profile sounds the same, what do men have to write to? It’s because we – men and women alike – haven’t truly figured out what makes us unique.
And unique profiles not only get more responses, but they get higher quality responses in return.
One of my favorite online dating anecdotes is of a JDate woman I courted in the summer of 2004.
She had a wildly entertaining profile, which included this line: “You’re witty and intelligent and consider me fully worthy of the 5,000 gold coins and two camels that my family has offered as dowry.” My response: In the Trobriand Islands, anyway, yams are a very popular dowry staple. And, at risk of being cheesy (I risk this a lot), there’s something behind your eyes.That’s about all I got out of cultural anthropology from my freshman year of college, but I think it was worth my parents’ ,000. It could be an optic nerve or a sinus, but I’m thinking that it’s some sort of intelligence or mischief or both. (She dumped me a month after that, but that’s not the point of the story).Anyway, Jim, I know I’ve hijacked your question to say something that I’ve really wanted to say for awhile, but it’s an important point.I have been reading your information regarding how men have to be unique and different when contact women just because of the sheer numbers of contacts they have. I have looked at a few websites, and some women seem to not really try to attract as much attention as they could.Blurry pictures, pictures of pets, the dreaded bathroom mirror picture (why do they do that), no information in the profile, the list goes on. Dear Jim, A young attractive woman using a webcam photo could write, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you” as her profile essay and still receive 100 emails a week. However, your question allows me the opportunity to address something that I don’t know I’ve ever addressed before when it comes to online dating – how women sabotage their own experience by not trying harder.Everyone knows that men’s profiles, on the whole, are even worse than women.